So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
