Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i out mim tonsoeep
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
