By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
