I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
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Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
