why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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