Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
