Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize