the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
