At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
