Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
