Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
