made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
