They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
