May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
