Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
FUCK WHALES
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize