y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
