WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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