1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
