just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
