You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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