white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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