i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
