I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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