are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
