this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize