The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
