Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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