I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize