I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
