i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
