I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
