i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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