i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
