She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
