The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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