so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
