trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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