there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
