I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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