If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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