Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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