i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
