Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize