Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
