I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
