I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
