I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
