Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
