Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
