My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
