how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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