Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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