Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
