Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
