break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
