Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
