Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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