No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
