I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
