Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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