you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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