Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
