i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
