Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
