he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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