I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
