Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize