God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
