You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
