you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
