Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
